Tuesday, April 04, 2006
I'm treading water

My kids are giving their naps but I am not ready for this at all. How can they not understand that I NEED a break. Right now my younger daughter is upstairs screaming because I have instituted a one hour quiet time rule and her hours not up but she wants out of her room. I don't think an hour in your room after lunch is unreasonable but she feels differently. I really am in a rut and I don't know what to do with myself and sometimes the hour they spend upstairs is the only thing standing between me and what feels like insanity. But there is one problem. I just cant really enjoy this time because hearing them up there not at all asleep just stresses me out. You see I also have younger daycare kids here a few days of the week and for them a nap is still a necessity so I just spend the "quiet hour" wishing my kids would just actually be quite and not prevent the others from falling asleep. On the other hand if they were downstairs they would still not be quite and they would be driving me even more crazy. I keep reminding myself that everything with kids is a phase and that it won't last forever but sometimes it really does feel like it will never get better. I hate to wish away any days of their childhood but I am having such a hard time with them the past few weeks. I think I need to go to a therapist but I cant even schedule an appointment because half the time I am watching other people children and even when no one else's children are here I still have my own and what do I do with them? I don't have childcare, honestly we couldn't really afford it even if I knew where to find it. You would think someone in the childcare field would know how to handle this but just the thought overwhelms me. I wonder if there are therapists who see patients on the weekend? Speaking of weekends with the warmer weather just around the corner I will soon see my husband about half less of the time than I do now because he will be on the golf course. I want him to play golf, I really do he hates his job and I am so glad he has something he loves but it doesn't always make my life easy. Sometimes I wish I could just call in a replacement to clean the house, grocery shop, weed the garden, give the kids a bath and most importantly step in when the kids just want to argue with me about everything. Could this be a new career field, I bet there would be big money in the replacement industry. But I guess that would leave me with a problem similar to the child care dilemma I could not afford it. So maybe I could work as a replacement, nothing is as overwhelming when its not your messed up life, I could help others with their messes and be back with my messes by dinner but with a lot more cash in my pockets!